Opinion

By Rohit Shankar and Disha Adhikary

For some of us, our earliest memories include these women, who’ve slipped silently in and out of our lives. Toiling in the background, sometimes a part of the oft-repeated stories of our infancy. For those of us having grown up in homes with working mothers, we’ve known them to take care of all the domestic chores around the house. But we rarely wondered and seldom asked where they came from every morning or what their own houses were like. 

Today, we find ourselves locked in by an invisible virus. In a span of a few days, our ordered worlds collapsed. Meetings are done over grainy video calls with formal shirts and pyjama bottoms. Groceries are delivered and gingerly collected at the doorstep. Yet the biggest change of all? They stopped coming to our homes for a few weeks. 

Suddenly we had to confront the reality behind our ‘productive’ lives. As we bent our creaky backs to sweep our homes, many of us I’m sure reflected that it was their time and effort that allowed us to be successful at work, bake that cake, make a hundred attempts at an origami or even zone out in front of a screen for a few hours.

We see them with blurry eyes each morning as we grope for the latches on our doors. We find their shoes outside our homes; their plates and glasses separate on our neat cabinets. Sometimes we find them covering in houses in our national capital fearing for their lives.  But have we ever wondered what their lives in their own houses are like? Are they also appreciated every time they cook something exquisite for their family members? Do their husbands also press their legs and chit chat on those long days? Are they also the “Lakshmi” of their own house? Most likely, not.

This is the story of nearly 20 million workers, almost all of them women, who work long arduous hours for little pay across our country. Amongst these, an unknown number are children, often younger than 15. They are often cheated of their wages, forced to do work in unsafe and unsanitary conditions and physically and sometimes sexually abused. 

One of these nameless and faceless women is Kalpana Sarkar, from West Bengal whose story is in many ways symbolic of domestic workers in India. 

When she was 15, during a visit to her cousin’s house one night the family was rudely awakened by a group of drunk men. Amongst them, a man who was besotted to Kalpana’s cousin, now married to another man. Out of vengeance, he now demanded that Kalpana be married to him. Fearing the social stigma from the situation, her uncle agreed. 

Her life became a living ever since her wedding. Her husband was the “alpha” male, who would not let her speak to the neighbours, go to the grocery stores or step out of the house. Yet paradoxically, on the frequent occasion that he needed money to drink, he’d send her to work odd jobs to earn some money. Kalpana had unwittingly become our ‘kaajer maashi’. 

Kalpana describes her husband as an ugly man who longed other women’s attention but had no option but to pay for it. On days, he fell short of cash he would force himself upon her. Through these traumatic encounters, she became the mother of three children. 

She endured the regular beatings for almost 15 years in the hope that her husband would eventually improve and because of the stigma attached to leaving a marriage. Occasionally, she would find movie tickets in pairs, in his pockets and enquire where he was, who he was with. He would proudly announce that he had paid for another women’s company and would beat his wife up if she protested. 

One night the violence was particularly bad and she was locked out of the house. Her children begged their father to let them in. On opening the door, he ruthlessly poked her eye with his nail and banged her head on the wall. Her children rushed her to the hospital where the doctors managed to save the eye. She realised that night that her marriage was beyond salvage. She reached out to the neighbours who collectively threw the husband out of the house. Since then, Kalpana or Kalpana maashi as she is known to us, became self-reliant. 

She is one of the lucky ones. The families she has worked for over the last few decades are emotionally invested in her well-being. Even so, some households have not paid her wages since the national lockdown. She says that withholding of wages is the norm rather than the exception for domestic workers in Kolkata. 

As lawyers, we instinctively look for the laws that apply to a dire situation. The adage of the man with the hammer seems appropriate. Yet, what we found in the case of domestic workers is concerning. There seem to be only three legislations that somewhat cover domestic workers in India, they are:

1. The Unorganised Workers’ Social Security Act 2008 (“Unorganized Worker’s Act”); 
2. The Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace (Prevention, Prohibition and Redressal) Act, 2013 (“Sexual Harassment Act”); and
3. The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 (“DV Act”)

The Unorganized Worker’s Act applies to all workers who work in places of employment that employ less than ten workers. Additionally, these workers are excluded if they are covered under 6 labour legislations including the Workmen’s Compensation Act, Maternity Benefit Act and Industrial Disputes Act. 

Domestic workers, being employed at home and being covered by neither the list of excluding legislations nor even more basic labour laws like the Minimum Wages Act 1948, fall within the ambit of the Unorganised Worker’s Act. 

The Unorganized Worker’s Act simply creates a National Social Security Board and a State Social Security Board which empowers them to make rules to govern these workers. In simpler words, the Act leaves it to sarkaari babus, to create policy through executive action. The Act is an obscure notification in the state gazette, as opposed to an Act of the state legislature which is usually subjected to some public scrutiny. 

The Act has not resulted in any rules on the conditions of work, guarantee of payment or even on simpler issues like compensation for a work-related accident. 

The Sexual Harassment Act, meanwhile, deals exclusively with the protecting women from harassment. Domestic workers are brought under its ambit through its definition of “aggrieved woman” which includes ‘a woman of any age who is employed in [..] dwelling place or house’. While the protection this legislation offers all women in India, cannot be understated, for domestic workers the Sexual Harassment Act protects them from only a portion of the spectrum of abuse they face. 

The DV Act is more structured, detailed and has successfully convicted more perpetrators than the other legislations mentioned above. Its real test, some say comes now, when women are locked in with their abusers and find it harder to call for aid. 

Domestic violence has become so widespread that it has been referred to as the ‘shadow pandemic’ by the United Nations. The National Commission of Women (NCW) reports that from March 24 till April 1, 2020, 257 complaints related to various offences against women were received. NCW chief Rekha Sharma says the main reason for the rise of domestic violence is that men, confined to home, are taking out their frustration on women, while refusing to help out in domestic work.

The NCW lays down detailed procedures of filing a complaint both physically and online and private organisations like Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Mumbai are offering free telephone and email-based counselling services through a team of qualified and trained mental health professionals by way of their service iCall. 

The judiciary also seems to have taken cognisance of the malaise with several High Courts addressing different aspects of the issue. 

The Jammu and Kashmir HC has taken suo moto cognizance in re: court on its own motion v. Union Territories of Jammu and Kashmir through its secretaries, Social Welfare Department observing that due to the pandemic the women couldn’t reach the authorities for help. The Court noted that the UN Secretary General’s call for governments to make the prevention and redress of violence against women a key part of their national response plans for COVID-19. Shelters and helplines for women must be considered an “essential” service for every country with specific funding and broad efforts made to increase awareness about their availability. The Court went on to prescribe practical and functional guidelines to address the issue. 

The Delhi High Court meanwhile, in All India Council Human Rights , Liberties and Social Justice v. Union of India and Ors. recognised that the government had taken effective steps thus far and cautioned that WhatsApp and phone lines were to remain unchanged and always manned to ensure a quick response. 

States have adopted different approaches to the problem, with Tamil Nadu including domestic workers in the Tamil Nadu Manual Workers (Regulation of Employment and Conditions of Work) Act 1982 and creating a board for their welfare. Maharashtra has directed its government employees not to employ children below the age of 14 and Karnataka, Kerala and Bihar have fixed minimum wages for domestic workers. 

The National Domestic Workers’ Movement is an organisation that has campaigned for legal rights such as:

1. A minimum wage;
2. Decent conditions of employment;
3. Compensation for accidents;
4. Mandatory leaves; and
5. Collective bargaining

The consensus amongst our domestic workers with these principles is reflected in a similar demand for a comprehensive legislation made by a coalition of unions called the National Platform for Domestic Workers. 

Parliament has made several attempts to enact such a comprehensive legislation for domestic workers. Bills have been introduced across party lines, only to never see the light. Significant attempts include:

1. The Domestic Workers Welfare and Social Security Bill 2010 which was drafted by the National Commission for Women; and
2. The Domestic Workers Welfare Bill 2016 which was introduced by Dr. Shashi Tharoor. 

Instead of a comprehensive legislation, we seem to have settled on the National Policy on Domestic Workers 2019 which in the words of the Press Information Bureau of India means that “The Ministry of Labour and Employment is considering to formulate a National Policy on Domestic Workers which is in the draft stage”.

Perhaps in the meantime, the Parliament could amend the plethora of existing labour laws to include domestic workers within the protective ambit of these laws, escpecially given that the Central Government has powers on enacting legislation under Article 15 (3) of the Constitution of India, 1950. The future, however, seems bleak. With states opting to exempt corporations from crucial labour laws, migrant workers being forced back to stay in cities  and your kaamwali and our kaajer mashi bai has dark days ahead. 

By Sruthi Sadhasivam (MY Convictions )

Our history has time and again proved how it’s a bane to be born a woman. The life of a woman in a patriarchal society is like a tottering cat living in a dog’s kennel. The E-life of a woman is worse than being caught in a rat race because she has to confront a great deal of unknown people in the virtual world. Now this doesn’t mean men are let off the hook from getting trolled. Although social media is harsh on men too, people do not go to the extent of spouting off any vile sexist remarks or for that matter rape threats for speaking out their mind. So, they are far better off than a woman. Why should women be trolled in such a debauched manner? Given that women are equal to men, and have the equal right to speak up, the disproportionate online trolling they face needs to be questioned.

Gender-based violence be it online or offline does affect women irrespective of their financial or socio-economic status. We generally assume that people in powerful positions are more protected against online hate. But this is not true in the case of women even if they are well-off or influential. Be it the time of elections or post-elections, online abuses and hate talks against them are always an unwanted bonus that strangle female politicians and lawmakers even after they die.

When the former external affairs minister Sushma Swaraj, helped an interfaith couple from Uttar Pradesh get their passports, people openly asked her husband to beat her up. She herself has been quoted as saying that absolutely nobody who has a strong political or social viewpoint that is not in line with a certain ideology can expect any immunity.

Recently, in a video, Agrima Joshua, a comedian joked about speculation over the state government’s intention to construct an effigy of Chhatrapati Shivaji in the Arabian Sea. The jokes were considered to be of denigrating nature which enraged the Maratha King’s adherents. As a result, social media witnessed collective emotional outburst and Shiv Sena and Maharashtra Home Minister Ani Deshmukh even called for Agrima’s arrest. In a chain of events, Shubham Mishra who has a great number of fan followers, in his video threatened to even rape her. Inspite of her apologizing for her jokes, threats like this continued to pop up in social media.

Even if one’s religious sentiments are hurt, is it really justified on their part to shoot out rape threats to a woman? Aren’t there any legal means to punish her? How come these steamrollers tend to get away by spatting out whatever unpleasant guff they want? Have we run out of laws to punish the perpetrators? Or have we accepted these as the new-normal and moved on?

On one hand, women themselves stand as villains to other women while on the other hand, we have men roasting them according to their whims and fancies. No leaf is left unturned while attacking them. They go to the extent of slandering them by even borrowing evil characters from mythology, pointing out to their race, body type and what not.
Threats are so perverted and dreadful that it begs to embark on the impending question: how long is it just a threat, and would we disregard it if it were made in the tangible world as opposed to the digital world?

Women’s sexuality is a matter of honour in the eyes of the society and men are exceedingly aware that sexual abuse will always be the biggest whetted dagger to hurt womankind. In addition, a woman is considered physically weak compared to a man so it is taken for granted that a woman will simply endure all forms of torture meted out to her.

Nevertheless, we do have daring women like Padma Priya who identifies herself as Chennai Thamizhachi and had spoken about the EIA draft 2020. She raised plenty of questions against the government regarding the draft through a video. When her video went viral she had to face innumerable personal attacks and political pressure due to which she was forced to take down the video. She gave a fitting reply to the spectators who had completely lambasted her by questioning her credibility, education, personal life, political affiliation and so on. Should one be a P.H.D holder to voice out their opinions? If one talks about any political issue why is it that they are claimed to have been in association with a political party? Shouldn’t awareness be the only eligibility criteria for whoever wishes to express themselves? What is the relevance of democracy if only literate and authoritative individuals are given the privilege to talk? Additionally, why should a woman’s personal affairs be brought in when she speaks out in public? How has it anything to do with what she had said ?

Unfortunately, not all women are as resilient and undaunting as Padma Priya is. A great many women have reduced their presence online as a result of abuse and harassment. It also affects the decisions that they make outside the digital sphere.

Although we have section 66E of the IT act, section 354A, 354D,499 and 509 from the IPC, there has been a tremendous increase in online trolling. It’s highly evident that India lacks dedicated laws against cyberbullying.

Most importantly, not all things that woman say are true, for instance, the BJP MP Maneka Gandhi’s misguided tweet on animals being killed in Mallapuram and that it is a muslim dominated district. While social media was pouring out with empathy on the death of the elephant in Kerala, it selectively muted itself when Safoora Zargar, a pregnant Jamia student was shoved in an over-crowded prison. Remember, we really don’t have to tolerate or accept things just because it was proclaimed by a woman or a person of power. Be it a man or woman, both share the responsibility of conveying the truth to the masses. If they happen to go back on their duty we can downright find faults with what they say.
I feel rattled to ask why is character assasination the only means to chastise women in the public sphere? We all know the way Rana Ayyub, the bold journalist who wrote the book ‘Gujarat Files’ exposing Mr. Narendra Modi or Swara Bhaskar, the outspoken actor face online threats regularly from the saffron brigade.

As readers, listeners, viewers and commentators we have the absolute liberty to express our thoughts on what happened. We have all the right to criticise others if they are wrong but it cannot be done with disrespect and an intent to abash them.

If our intention is to express our views, they have to be based on rationality, logic and civilised language. Rather than targeting an individual’s claims we target the individual itself. That’s where we go wrong. Let’s create a space for discussion rather than castigation. As civilized beings let’s learn to express ourselves in a reasonable and an appropriate manner. I certainly think this would help create a safe E-haven for women.

– Author is an undergraduate student majoring in political science and a digital activist chiefly interested in women and politics. She can be reached at @iamcalledsruthi (Instagram) or @Sruthi97916263 (Twitter)

#epaper #Women #indiaagainstabuse #trolltrauma #womenarenotweak #trollattrocities #trollmaniacs #raceorphysiquedoesnotdefineawoman #nodegreeisrequiredtospeakout #ishallnotletgoofmyrighttospeech #iknowwhattospeak #myonlyqualificationtospeakisindianidentity #saynotocyberabuse #letscreateasafeEhavenforwomen

By Ashmi Sheth


Guru Purnima is celebrated in India by Hindus, Jains and Buddhists as a mark of respect for all spiritual and academic gurus, who have guided us through the right path. The festival is celebrated on the full moon day (Purnima) in the Hindu month of Ashadha, between June and July.

The word Guru is derived from two words, ‘gu’ and ‘ru’. The Sanskrit root ‘gu’ means darkness or ignorance, and ‘ru’ denotes the remover of that darkness. Thus, a Guru is one who removes the darkness of our ignorance.

A guru is a Master, teacher, or guide who teaches and enlightens the student along the right path. Indian mothers, however stereotypical it may sound, have been responsible for guiding their children on the path of life, while instilling the appropriate ‘sanskaars’ in them since childhood. As a matter of fact, the onus of rearing a child up until adolescence has been historically burdened on the female; with other worldly aspects of guiding on the
career path and money making being the father’s responsibility. Thus, our first and noblest guru is our mother -who starts influencing us ever since we were relaxing in her womb.

We learn through observation, and a mother is someone we look up to as a child and try to emulate. Perhaps the first lessons we learn, the first titbits of knowledge that wipe out our innocent ignorance and curiosity is received from our mother. Even as adults, the first person who surfaces in our minds, when in doubt, is the mother. The grandma’s tales, which most Indians from generation X and Y would be nostalgic about today, taught us life lessons that perhaps no school did. These unnoticed, neglected and forgotten first gurus of our life need to be acknowledged and remembered on this special day. Irrespective of their religions, this day is celebrated across Indian academia as students thank their teachers and seek blessings from them. Goddess Saraswati, the Goddess of knowledge, wisdom, music, art and aesthetics is worshipped by all students alike – dancers, artists, doctors, musicians, and teachers themselves.

Women, perhaps, have used the tool of education the most to empower and educate their students, disciples or followers – shaping their line of thought and leading their way. We cannot miss out Savitribai Phule, who made it possible for girls to be formally educated, which has been responsible for improving the status and situation of women today. There have been numerous women educators who have changed the world for the better with their innovative ideas, humanitarian philosophies and leadership qualities. Although patriarchy reveals itself in executive, administrative and managerial positions, women dominate the teaching positions in creative streams. You hear the word ‘teacher,’ and you picture a kind and caring woman, who perhaps has had a massive influence on your academic as well as emotional life. Many professors we meet in college turn out to be our best mentors as well – they advice, guide, counsel and warn about different aspects of life.

“If you educate a man you educate an individual but if you educate a woman you educate a whole nation,” this quote by Dr James Emman Kwegyir Aggrey probably explains why women can be some of the most effective gurus in the world.

As noted in the Encyclopedia of Women in Today’s World Volume 1, the presence of women in the role of guru can be traced back to ancient India, such as Devi Leilama in the 5th century, Dhanwantari, a woman who was knowledgeable about the Ayurvedic system of medicine, Karriakal Ammeiyar in the 6th century, and so on. A lesser-known fact; it was a woman guru, Leelavati, who established ‘mathematical lore’ in India in 6000
B.C.E., which eventually led to the formulation of the decimal system in later centuries.

However, the origin of Manusmriti and other Puranas brought about a decline in the status of women, resulting in the corruption of religion, rise in blind beliefs and establishment of rigid caste and gender hierarchies.
The twentieth century was an era in which the phenomenon of female gurus became widespread. Female gurus were appointed in a number of distinct traditions in Hinduism and they played various public leadership roles.

Globalisation along with the influence of Western cultures has also played a significant role in the evolution of modern Hindu women. Susan Starr Sered, in her ‘Priestess, Mother, Sacred Sister,’ identifies the characteristics of women leaders in women-dominated religions. We have numerous stories of women, who along with performing their roles as mothers and wives, function as teachers, orators and activists, spreading awareness for a cause and lifting the dark blanket of patriarchy.

Thus, we need to widen our perspectives and realise the true meaning of guru in today’s world. A guru is someone who dispels darkness of ignorance, by imparting knowledge and wisdom. This necessarily need not be done by people who have given up all worldly desires – but in fact, can be done no better than a woman, who has the experience of family, society, and child rearing combined with values of humanity and empathy. Here’s to all women who strive in their own ways to educate themselves and the world, lighting up the spark within and making this world a brighter place –

A very happy and blessed Guru Purnima!

 By Aditi Jain

It was 5 A.M. Our phones lit up with a new message. The results of our corona tests were in. It read  ‘You and your team have tested negative and are free to go home from quarantine.’ We’re relieved and started packing, eager to get home. Most of us opted to first call our families, many of whom had spent sleepless nights awaiting the report. Our team had just finished a week of Corona ICU duty and spent the next in isolation, in case of inadvertent infection. Fortunately, no health care worker in our ICU had tested positive so far. We were ready to head back, to start the day’s shift.

 “Our patient Mrs. A, is desaturating. We have started her on oxygen therapy but we think she will soon require intubation and ventilation.” This may sound as medical jargon to most people. But as a doctor trained in the medical field for over ten years and as an anaesthetist in the last six years, this a routine call my team and I receive. Roughly translated, it means that the patient is unable to breathe properly and get the required and essential oxygen for her body. It requires us to take over her breathing by placing a tube that connects her lungs to the ventilator that then delivers an increased oxygen concentration to the patient’s body.

This along with other procedures comprise of delicate and precise tasks that take years of training so that they can be safe and efficient. But when the corona pandemic struck, there was suddenly an added dimension. We, doctors, were suddenly faced with altering our skillset in a manner that doesn’t compromise the patients’ safety or our own. This means wearing personal protection equipment (PPE). It adds a layer of impervious airtight clothing to prevent virus transmission. But it also means your skin can’t breathe in the sweltering Indian summer heat. We were warned about heat exhaustion and told to signal for help in case of extreme dehydration. 

A colleague of mine who had to accompany a patient for a test in 40 degrees, was near fainting by the end, and had to be helped out of her PPE by others.  Sometimes your eye shield fogs, restricting your view. The mask digs into your skin and many are left with bruises. Once you wear the PPE you can’t eat or drink or use the restroom.  We have to learn how to adapt to this and have to do it in a fraction of the time we are accustomed to.  Getting infected with contagious diseases like hepatitis or HIV is a professional hazard we are trained to prevent and deal with. But this virus is new. We are learning new things about how it behaves and affects the human body every day. And as part of the medical fraternity, we loathe the enemy of ignorance. We want to be sure about the decisions we take because the stakes are so high.

Armed with the ever-evolving knowledge about the disease, we rely on our prior medical experience and skill-set to treat our patients. And this is when the years of training kicks in. When faced with an emergency our team will fall into the roles we have been taught and operate as a unit. We are able to cope, to treat and cure.

Our patients are struggling to understand this disease too. They have to struggle with both their disease and its social consequences. Their loved ones can’t come to visit or care for them. In most cases, their homes are marked down and the movement of its members is restricted. The first response of an elderly gentleman when he recovered was a request for us to communicate this information to his daughter who had called him every day. His second was to invite us all for a cup of tea, unrecognizable beneath our PPEs as we were. Some patients succumbed to the isolation and loneliness often felt in intensive care units termed as ICU delirium. Tired of being prodded by syringes for sampling, a patient refused to let us sample his blood for necessary tests. He was particularly abusive to the female doctors and would only talk to the male staff. As a woman, you get used to being stereotyped by patients. As an intern, I remember many times feeling indignant on being considered as a nurse by default. Many men feel uncomfortable explaining their complaints and histories to a female doctor categorizing them as a ‘ladies doctor’- for women. It is at times like this you have to swallow your professional pride and remind yourself of your duty. And if the patient recovers, the reward is inherent and enough to make the work worthwhile.

It is only after your shift ends that you are struck with worry. Did you pay sufficient attention to your safety? Did some contaminated material sneak past your attention? Did you absentmindedly touch your face wearing infected gloves? And most worrying of all, will you take the infection home to your family?

Some opt for staying away from their families, when posted in areas where the infected patients are. Elderly parents are a particularly vulnerable population for the disease and so need special protected. For some, it was more difficult than others. My colleague, a new mother of a 6-month-old baby did rapid weaning off breast milk so that her baby could get used to top feeds in case she needed to get quarantined. Several staff members trained their children against the reflex hug on their return from work and dashed to the washroom for a thorough scrub before touching any home surfaces.

I have been brought up in a family of doctors. Ever since the virus crossed our shores we have tried to stay within our rooms and minimise physical interaction to prevent cross-contamination. We miss the family meals but we make up for it by sharing stories of days gone by. We are concerned for each other’s safety and have spent long nights waiting for the results of patients we have dealt with. But each patient recovering gives us fresh hope that we may yet win the long battle we are waging again the invisible enemy. It is a long road ahead peppered with adversities, but we too are adapting to the ‘new normal’. We know more today than we did yesterday and will know more tomorrow. And hopefully, together and responsibly we will be able to herald in a safer future. 

By Jayanti Srivastava

Source: @Diaanand.art

The year 2020 has not been off to a great start. Since the year began, there was a World War III threat, Kim Jong Un almost died, the coronavirus pandemic has taken over the world and, things are changing everywhere, every day. Yet, it’s quite funny how one thing has remained the same since time immemorial – misogyny. I am sure everyone is aware of the “Bois locker room” incident that took place a couple of weeks back. If you aren’t, here’s a recap. A group of school boys from Delhi created a group on Instagram, called the “bois locker room”, where they shared pictures of girls from their school, morphed their faces onto other bodies, passed lewd, disrespectful comments about their bodies and what they would like to do them and, there were even talks of gang raping one of the girls. I would like to point out here that all of these girls whose pictures were being shared from their Instagram accounts, and whose bodies were being sexualized, were all underaged, school-going girls. Read more about this incident here. 

Source: Instagram, Niska Nagpal

When this incident was brought to light by a girl who posted the screenshots of this conversation on her Instagram story, the boys showed absolutely no remorse. Instead, they threatened to rape her and, sent threats to her family to make her take down the screenshots. There were some boys who came out and said that they were a part of the group but did not actively take part in the conversations so they should not be held accountable. However, even being a silent bystander is as bad as actively taking part in the crime that the other boys committed. Some of the boys from the group also proceeded to make a new group where they asked people to join with fake IDs so the conversations could not be tracked back to them.  They think they had done nothing wrong. Why is that, I wonder? 

This incident is a perfect illustration of how rape culture has been promoted in our country. Our society has ingrained it into the minds of men, ever since they were little boys, that they are the superior gender. Not just in comparison to women but, to any gender. They have been taught that they are better than everyone. They learn that women, more than other genders, exist solely for the purpose of pleasuring them. That women’s bodies can be sexualized by them and be used by them without consent, and the woman should not mind because, after all, that is their one and only purpose, isn’t it? And the man is only helping her fulfil her purpose. She should be grateful to him. These boys had the audacity to think that these girls should feel validated by the fact that they were even included in the group chat. What kind of sick mind can someone have to think that this is okay, or that this type of behavior is acceptable? 

When people spoke up against the locker room incident, they were attacked by these “men” and their jibes about feminism. The classic “not all men” argument was also thrown into the mix. Yes. I know, that not all men are like this, and some actually do respect women, and other human beings. But the fact of the matter is that it doesn’t have to be “all men” because, there are enough men who indulge in this type of behavior. Enough for the category of “all men” to exist. What I don’t understand is, why these men who make the argument of “not all men are like that” think they deserve a medal for treating another person like a person, and for doing the bare minimum? Then, I realized why. It’s because good behavior is so rare, that when someone does behave like a decent human being, they think they have done something extraordinary. 

Another thing that irked me about the “not all men” argument was that, it doesn’t matter whether it was some men, or all men. The reality is that all girls, and all women are going to be affected by this incident. Every girl is now going to be told to be careful on social media. Some girls are going to be forced to remove themselves form all social media. Girls are going to be asked to dress better as to not attract any attention from the boys. They are going to be asked to not step out of homes or, be extra careful if they do step out of their homes because nowhere is safe. They will be asked to not do things that could give boys the “wrong idea”. Why is it always the girls who have to suffer? Why is it their responsibility to make sure the boys aren’t getting the “wrong idea”? I remember that every time there was a rape, or any other sexual harassment incident on the news, along with feeling disgust, and anger, I would also feel dreadful and scared because I knew that this incident meant more policing on my behavior, attire, and choices. I was the one who would be asked to not leave the house after 6 pm. I would be asked to always look over my shoulder. I would be asked to not wear a skirt when I go out. While I understand where my parents come from when they say these things, it still is unfair for me, and it angers me that I have to live in fear. I know that they want to protect their daughter from the world that is not that safe at present but, it doesn’t always have to be like this. In fact, it shouldn’t. And it is our responsibility to make sure of that. 

The solution to reducing the number of these incidents is not policing the behavior of our girls, but educating the future generations better. All genders included. The locker room incident cannot be looked at as an independent event. Sure, these boys are being punished but, who’s to say that someone else won’t be doing the same thing tomorrow? The root of the problem is lack of education. School curriculums lack basic sexual education, which forces the students to get all their knowledge about sex from pornographic movies and videos. Most of these videos normalize violence, non-consensual sex, and disrespectful behavior. Young, impressionable minds watching this get the wrong idea of what sex is supposed to be. Furthermore, they are not taught how to respect people, how to deal with their sexuality, with their emotions, etc. Boys are taught that crying is weak and womanly, and girls are taught that they are weak and dependent. The toxic masculinity that floats around in our society so casually is one of the biggest reasons for rapes. These men have all this negative energy and anger, which they turn into sexual frustration and take it out on an innocent victim. 

Mainstream media is no help in educating the people of our society either. It shamelessly promotes rape culture. Bollywood still thinks that casual sexism is okay. That stalking and harassing a woman until she eventually says yes is not wrong, it’s just romantic. Eve-teasing and cat-calling are shown as a part of normal “boyish” behavior. Disrespecting a woman is shown as normal “manly” behavior. It is shown that if a woman is speaking up against you, it means that you have failed as a man. Women’s bodies are sexualized to no limit in these movies. These are the movies that the people watch. These movies normalize behavior that is, in fact, absolutely unacceptable. They ought to be more responsible about what they show, since they know that everyone is going to be watching what they make. They are not doing anyone a favour by promoting patriarchy and, misogyny. 

The locker room incident was one incident that came into the light but, what about the hundreds of groups that exist that no one talks about? What about the casual sexist and outright disrespectful remarks that men make while sitting in groups? What about actual locker room talk? The name came from somewhere, right? The perpetrators of this incident will be punished, but what about the rest? The only way of stopping such incidents from happening, is educating the future generations better. It is the only way that I see. I cannot stress on how important education is, to shape these young minds that go out into the world. It’s time we leave behind our “sanskars”, and change the curriculum of the schools to make the future generations more “woke”.